When I Saw You
by ShadowOfApate
Summary: Sequel to The Otherside
1. Chapter 1

Title: When I Saw You Part:1/? Rating: R to NC-17 Series: Sequel to The Otherside Pairings: KW/EC, KW/JT, KW/NL Beta Reader: Scotty Welles

Warning: There is no descriptive sex in this part. Everything is either insinuated, or heard. However this is a slash piece so approach with caution if you don't like that sort of thing.

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Warner Bro's. Jasmine and Nicole thought so there.

She'd never really known what being 'bi' meant, or that there was such a thing. For twenty-three years she'd gone through life confused by her attraction to certain women, at first she'd thought it was because she was gay, but there was this other factor...men.

She wasn't turned off by them, she didn't even find sex with them repulsive, or unsatisfying. She'd even had a male lover during her second year of med school and for the month they'd dated, they'd been unable to keep their hands off each other. Ripping each other's clothes off whenever they were alone together. Hormones raging out of control in a flurry of flesh and mouths. Caressing, stroking, and thrusting with an urgency that had nearly driven her insane with need.

Then, a few days after she broke up with Chris, a new med student had transferred in. Nicole Lieman...blonde, curvy, outgoing Nicole.

The reactions had been instantaneous. Every male within five miles started to drool and pant. Their legs pounding against the floor rapidly, like dogs in heat, and Nicole... she would just smile that gorgeous smile.

Never once did she look at any of the men at the med school with anything other than friendship, those expressive, cool baby blues sliding over them with calm disinterest. She had sat back and watched her new blonde roommate get approached by everyone from a professor to the class hunk, and watched them walk away again when Nicole had smiled that amused grin with dejection.

She'd found her new roommate to be highly intelligent, the blonde reading her easily. Her mask soon faded from existence whenever she was around Nicole. There was no point in keeping it up. Nicole had been able to see right through it from the moment they'd meet, striking up one of the strangest and most full feeling friendships that she'd ever had.

It had been the second week of their friendship that it had happened. They'd stayed up talking and studying, trying to prepare for one of Professor Springfield's infamous tests. She'd found herself staring at Nicole, unsure of herself or what she was feeling. The lush full lips just inches away from her, on the ragged old dorm couch, awakening an instinct unlike anything she'd ever felt before.

Nicole's imploring eyes had met hers in question, sensing both the rising interest in her friend and the confusion. Their lips had barely meet at first, Nicole wanting to give her a chance to say no. There was no real resistance on her part, no real thoughts other than the warm moist lips that caressed her in a way that no man had ever been able to.

The hours seemed so brief to her as they moved to her room and made love for the first of many times. Nicole's infinite patience with her had brought tears to her eyes. The love and care behind each kiss, lick, and stroke more tender than the last until she had found what felt like the first real release she'd ever experienced.

The year passed quickly as they had grown inseparable, and one night Nicole had casually suggested they move off campus and live together. She'd been slightly startled, not because she hadn't considered their future together but by the fact that apparently Nicole had also.

Nicole had thrown her head back, her thick bouncy hair flying back, and laughed that deep, rich, full laugh that made her want to drink it in as wine. "I love you, silly..." Nicole's smile had faded just a little, taking in her insecurity. "You still believe that no one can love you...?"

She'd managed a nervous smile as that familiar glint entered Nicole's mischievous eyes.

Nicole had slowly swayed across their small dorm room, curved hips seeming to have a loud drum rhythm in them. Nicole kneeled in front of her and began to suck on that one spot that always drove her insane. "Then I guess I'll just have to prove it to you..."

She'd given in to her lover with little fight. She'd craved this kind of love for so long, and craved to give it back with equal intensity. Nicole had moved quickly, not giving her chance to change her mind, not that she would.

By the end of the next week they had moved into a small lakeside house. It had been paradise. A time when her problems seemed small and in between. They were just too happy to notice how hard their life was, at least until the day that...the day that Nicole started to have the headaches.

Her lover had brushed it off as migraines. Then there was the hearing loss that came and went, the sharp pain, the high pitched whistling. Nicole had just laughed softly, "You worry too much." But in the end she'd managed to get Nicole to relent and see a doctor.

By the second day they knew what the cause was...the tumor was growing rapidly on one of the nerves in her brain, and it couldn't be operated on unless they could shrink it.

Months of drugs and therapy had left her lover too weak to even get out of bed by herself. Nicole didn't seem to notice, though, simply smiling at her and telling her to have faith, that things would work out the way they were meant to.

The doctors were hopeful, the tumor had shrunk enough for surgery. Dr. Monroe had arranged for the surgery to take place the next morning at Nicole's insistence. She'd tried to argue with her lover, to get her to go in that afternoon, but as always Nicole wouldn't have it. "I want one last night with you before they decide to cut me up."

She'd given in under the pressure of those pleading crystal eyes, which had started to laugh silently, knowing that she'd gotten her way.

Nicole had been strangely quiet that night. "I want you to get on with your life."

She'd been dozing when Nicole had spoken, but hearing the solemn tone she snapped awake. "Nikki, what are you talking about? Everything's fine now."

"Promise me..."

She'd struggled against the tears in her eyes at the desperate voice that pleaded with her. "I promise, but..." 

She was stopped by a single, shaking finger against her lips, quickly replaced by the only lips she could ever imagine tasting.

"Goodnight, my heart." Nicole had laid her head against her bare shoulder with a gesture that seemed so final, but she'd passed it off as nerves. She'd passively held the weak, shivering body and fallen into a restless sleep.

That had been 13 years ago, and looking back now, she still wasn't sure what had caused her to wake up suddenly at three in the morning. All she'd known was the cold feeling that had seeped into her heart, and the loud silence that boomed through out their house.

"Nikki, did you hear anything?" Her lover had been a light sleeper, even ill. Waking at the slightest movement or noise, but all she got from her was silence. "Nikki..." She'd turned to the lover spooned against her body, a numbness flooding her soul.

She couldn't remember much about the rest of that night, or the week that followed. It was all a dream to her, even now. The coroner coming to claim Nicky, the funeral.

The funeral had been the hardest on her, watching Nicole's parents stride purposefully into the small church, eyes blazing at her with accusation. They'd taken the news of her involvement with their daughter hard. The deep-seeded bigotry against same-sex relationships being thrown at them with fury.

She'd been too numb to really care about them or their shortcomings, instead staring at the front of the procession with barely registered attention.

The speeches, the prayers, the line of mourners had passed by without her notice. All she knew was Nicole. Nicole had been the only person who'd gotten past her defenses, the only person who'd tried. She'd loved her with every ounce of her being, only to end up losing her. Losing her to death, and not life.

Kerry stared at the photo album, letting the tips of her fingers brush the picture of her dead lover. The year after her death had been the toughest. The little reminders, the scent of her lover that seemed permanently attached to the sheets. It had been hard at first, but she'd survived, just like she always did.

There had even been other lovers, but it would always come to a grinding halt. Mainly because even after all this time she was afraid... Kerry grinned wryly through the steady stream of tears. The cold hearted bitch of the ER, who could stand up to any bastard that crossed his eyes, was scared.

There was a fear lurking in the back of her mind, questioning every lover she took to her bed. Mlungisi, Ellis, Jasmine, and now Elizabeth. Every question had turned up unpleasant answers, leaving her with a broken heart that was left in need of repair time and time again.

Kerry listened to the doorbell, not making any move to answer it. The bell became more insistent as Kerry stiffly stood up, and managed to make it to the door. It occurred to her as she opened the door that it could be Elizabeth but she seriously doubted it.

The surgeon had been in a shocked state the rest of her shift. Elizabeth had barely spoken to anyone, begging off Mark with an excuse of having a headache. There'd been a doubt and confusion in Elizabeth's eyes that had brought back all her memories of her first female lover, Nicole.

She could understand the surgeon being confused, who wouldn't be? A 35-year-old woman who'd spent her entire life straight, and she suddenly finds herself in the arms of a woman. Kerry knew in the end that Elizabeth would stay with Mark, and put any idea about same-sex relationships away.

"Kerry?" Jasmine stared at her. "Can I come in?"

Kerry felt relief sweep through her body, taking in the sight of her ex-lover. She'd forgotten that Jasmine was coming over, and right now she didn't want to face an empty bed while struggling with her emotions.

She reached out and pulled Jasmine to her in a desperate kiss, searching for some sort of comfort, comfort that would get allow her to put her mask back into place.

Jasmine pushed her carefully back inside, slamming the door closed in haste behind them. Her arms held Kerry against her as they started up the stairs. She was going to reclaim her property, and this time she had no intention of letting it go again.

Elizabeth rubbed the back of her neck wearily. She'd been up all night thinking, trying to sort through the turmoil of emotions. She'd never been one to deny any attraction or romantic interest she had, but until three days ago she'd never taken a female lover.

Then there was Mark. She hated to hurt anybody but recently she'd been having doubts about their relationship. Even before this thing with Kerry. Before, she'd never have considered Weaver as a lover, but after the two days they'd spent together, that's all she'd been able to think about.

She was at an impasse in her life, and she had two choices. Either Mark or Kerry. She stared at the petite redhead yelling at Malucci with that civilized voice that sent people running. With grim resolution she knew that she'd already made her choice.

She slowly walked up toward Kerry with a nervous energy. This was it.

Kerry turned to her and smiled brightly. "I was just thinking about you..."

Elizabeth felt relief flood her soul. Kerry wasn't going to have to be convinced of her serenity after all.

"I was, too..."

Elizabeth stopped walking as the familiar voice came from behind her. The raven- haired woman brushed past her and embraced Kerry intimately. Kerry pulled away stiffly, clearly not liking the public display of emotion on Jasmine's part.

"I thought you were on duty," Kerry said with a nervous glance at the front desk to make sure that the others hadn't seen the hug.

"Hmm, Romano decided to push my shift back an hour, so I thought we could have lunch together," Jasmine answered softly.

"Just let me get my coat..." Kerry walked away, carefully avoiding Elizabeth's eyes.

"Romano? Are you the new surgeon?" Elizabeth cut in briskly, unable to hide the flaring jealousy. She recognized this...woman from that video. Kerry had said that they had been over for a couple of months, but from the look of things, they'd made up recently.

"That's right, I'm Dr. Jasmine Tain." The Asian took her hand in a vise grip that let Elizabeth know that she could smell competition. "And you are?"

"Elizabeth Corday." Elizabeth squeezed the hand tightly, forcing a tight smile on her face.

"Oh, so you're Corday." Jasmine flickered her eyes over Corday with obvious disgust. "Kerry told me all about you last night..." She smiled suddenly. "...or should I say early this morning."

Elizabeth narrowed her eyes at the woman in front of her, her smile thinning. "Oh? You two have late night out or something?" Elizabeth felt grim pride at how cheerful she'd managed to make her voice. 

"Or something..." Jasmine stepped in closer to Elizabeth until their noses touched, and smirked. "It's amazing how...enthusiastic Kerry can be when she's heartbroken."

Elizabeth heard her heart pounding in her ears and tightened her clenched hand around Jasmine's until the sound of her knuckles cracking filled the air.

Jasmine stepped away, letting go of Elizabeth's hand with sudden friendliness. "It's nice to meet you too. County seems like such a friendly place."

"I'm glad to see that you two are getting to know each other." Kerry grinned at Jasmine with approval. "You ready?"

"Always." Jasmine waited until Kerry had her back turned, then shot a deadly look at Elizabeth as she followed Kerry out of the ER.

Elizabeth stared after Jasmine with a quiet rage. They'd made up...but Jasmine had said Kerry had been heartbroken which meant Kerry did want her.

A quiet thrill shot through her as she realized how Kerry must have really felt about her. And how good that made her feel, in turn. Now, if she could just get rid of that annoying bitc--

"Hey, you feeling any better?" Mark's unwelcome voice cut into her thoughts. His concerned smile seeming more strained than normal.

Elizabeth's heart sank again as she turned to him, dreading this conversation. Even though her deepest feelings lay elsewhere, she was still very fond of Mark Greene, and didn't want to hurt him any more than she absolutely had to.

Taking a deep breath, she replied, "Actually, no. We need to talk."

He had been eyeing the new surgeon ever since she'd first walked into the ER, trying to figure out what to do. He was sure he'd seen her someplace before, but he couldn't place where. Then there was her voice, it was so familiar. The only thing was every time he heard it, he could imagine it higher and louder. 

"Checking out the new surgeon?"

Malucci jumped slightly at the new voice. "Oh, hey, Dr. Kovac..." Malucci eyed him with sudden inspiration. "What do you know about the new surgeon?"

"Only that she transferred over from Mercy."

"Malucci, if you don't want to leave, you can always work a second shift."

Malucci glanced over at Kerry, seeing that she didn't like how he'd been eyeing up her girlfriend. "I was just going..." He backed away hurriedly, figuring he could always figure out where he knew Jasmine from later. 

"I think he likes me," Jasmine commented dryly.

"He likes anything with two legs and a..."

"Kerry..." Jasmine smiled in spite her warning tone. That was one of the things she liked Kerry for, her ability to be blunt and harsh about the truth. "Listen, I'm going have to pass on dinner tonight."

"Why?"

"The reason Jeff let me out of my contract early was because I agreed to pull some shifts over there for the next month." Jasmine stared at the chart in her hand. If Kerry saw her eyes, she'd know right away that she was lying.

"Oh. Well, when do you get off?"

"One." She glanced up at Kerry and smiled. "If you give me your spare key, I can just let myself in."

Kerry smiled warmly. "Only if you promise to wake me up."

Jasmine leaned into her back and whispered something that made Kerry shiver slightly. Kissing the side of her lover's neck, Jasmine glanced up and stared right at a solemn Elizabeth. She had a feeling that the other surgeon would pose a problem, and wanted to make sure she knew exactly who Kerry belonged to.

Dave cracked his blurred eye open angrily. This was the tenth time in two weeks that his next-door neighbor had woken him up. He rolled over and buried his head under a pillow, trying to muffle the sounds of the squeaking mattress and loud moans.

The deep voice was soon joined by another voice that caused Dave's head to pop up, wide awake, his blood turning cold. The mellow voice screaming out in what could only be lust. 'Oh no...'

Dave closed his eyes and reached blinding for the phone. This was serious, and he needed help... 


	2. Chapter 2

Title: When I Saw You Parts: 2/? Rating: NC-17 Pairing: KW/JT, KW/EC Beta Reader: Scotty Welles

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Warner Bros Studios. Jasmine Tain is mine though, but considering how mean and petty she is they can have her.

Elizabeth paused, screwing up her nerve, then approached the shorter woman. " Kerry, do you have a moment?"

Kerry glanced up at her, an all-business expression on her face. " Of course, Dr. Corday. What can I do for you?"

"Well, ah, I wonder if we could speak in private?"

Kerry seemed to hesitate, but followed her into the vacant Trauma One. "What is it?"

Elizabeth stood back from her, hands clasped. "This is difficult," she began. "I'm not sure how to approach this..."

"Elizabeth, I have a lot of paperwork to get to, so if you could--?"

"I broke up with Mark earlier," the surgeon cut in.

Kerry's face paled. "Because of me?" she asked quietly.

Elizabeth nodded.

Kerry took off her glasses and rubbed her eyes. "I wish you hadn't done that," she said.

"Kerry," Elizabeth ventured, "I know this seems impulsive, but I have long ago learned to trust my instincts in matters like this."

"I thought we agreed that never happened," Kerry stated.

"No, YOU agreed that never happened," Elizabeth replied archly. "I maintain that it did. And I, for one, have no regrets about it, except that I didn't speak up and say so earlier."

"Elizabeth, that aphrodisiac..."

"I won't say that had nothing to do with it," the surgeon snapped, impatiently, "and it may have prompted me into bolder action than I'm accustomed to. But I knew full well what I was doing."

Kerry didn't meet her eyes, subtley leaning agaisnt the table to take some of the pressure off her leg. "Are you sure about that? You were pretty quick to grab me after watching that tape."

"You didn't exactly push me away!" Elizabeth could feel her own temper rising. "Are you still under the impression that I was drugged or irrational that night? Well, what about the following day, when I performed surgery with perfect competence, and then made love to you in the shower? Even when you were hardly looking your most desirable. I am not one who loses complete control of my faculties so easily!"

"Are you saying I am?"

"No! I'm saying that my feelings for you are not the result of any fucking tea!" She took a breath and calmed herself. "Kerry, I know this is awful timing, in light of your relationship with... Dr. Tain..." She had to force herself to refer to her rival that way, rather than describing her in other terms. "But I have to be honest with you. I've had successful, satisfying relationships in the past, but the night I spent with you left me feeling..." She shrugged, helplessly. "I haven't the words. That alone should tell you how deeply you've affected me."

Kerry flinched, as though the words caused her some internal pain. "Elizabeth, we had one impulsive night together. That's not enough to justify throwing away your relationship with Mark." She replaced her glasses. "Excuse me, I really have a lot of work to..."

Elizabeth caught her arm as she tried to leave. "I don't want to be with Mark," she stated. "I love you."

Kerry's head snapped up in shock. She stared at the other woman intently for a long moment. Then she pulled her arm loose with a jerk and stormed out of the Trauma room.

Elizabeth leaned against the wall and bowed her head.

Kerry got into her car in a huff. To hell with the paperwork, she thought. She'd catch up tomorrow, when she'd gotten this latest development out of her mind. Her car roared to life and lurched out of the dark ambulance bay.

Kerry came to a stop at the red light with a heavy heart. She still couldn't believe the nerve of Elizabeth. Cornering her in an empty trauma room only to tell her that she was in love with her. Elizabeth knew nothing about her, so how could she possibly be in love with her?

The bigger question was, did she WANT the surgeon to love her?

Elizabeth stared at the apartment door wearily. John had said that Malucci had called up in hysterics. Carter had agreed to come over but had an emergency with a patient at the last minute. Elizabeth had given in before it had registered just what she'd agreed to.

She raised a hand to knock, pausing as the door swung open revealing a flushed Dave. Malucci grabbed her and yanked her into the apartment. "Hey, Carter called and said you were coming," he said. "Check this out!"

"Malucci...What the hell are you doing?"

"Come on..." Dave dragged her into the back of his apartment and into his still-unpacked bedroom.

"I don't know what you think you're doing..."

"Shhh listen..." Dave closed his eyes as the squeaking of the mattress started up again. The low moans became louder until they were screams.

Elizabeth narrowed her eyes, her temper starting to churn. She had been having nothing but a bad day. First her breakup with Mark had gone slightly harder than she thought. He had thought that the whole thing was some elaborate joke, then shifted to outrage at her cheating on him, and finally anger at both her and Kerry. Now Malucci was dragging her into his bedroom to listen to his neighbors having sex. Just what she needed right now.

She opened her mouth ready to let him know exactly how much she appreciated this, but the sudden cry of a female voice cut her off. The deep passionate cry sounded familiar. Dave met her eyes with a seriousness that she didn't think he was capable of.

"That's..." Elizabeth slumped against the wall.

"I know, that's why I called. I don't know what to do. There's no way the Chief would ever believe me." Dave glared over at the wall as the female voice became louder. "How can she do this to the Chief?"

"She won't believe me either..." Elizabeth sighed, if she told Kerry about this, she'd just claim Elizabeth was jealous and trying to get her back. Of course the fact that it was the truth didn't help any. Her jealousy toward Jasmine Tain was developing into true loathing.

Dave raised an eyebrow with a twinkle of curiosity, but remained quiet. "So what do we do?"

Elizabeth looked at Dave Malucci. She was simultaneously appreciative of his concern for Kerry Weaver's emotional welfare and annoyed that he viewed the situation as an excuse for more mischief. But then a wonderfully devious thought occurred to her. "We set her up..." she answered. 

Elizabeth walked over to the phone and dialed. "Hello, Randi, it's Dr. Corday. Is Carter still there? Put him on..."

Carter took a deep breath trying to calm his nerves. He wasn't capable of lying, at least not believably. This was different though, this was for a friend. Kerry had been more distant toward him in recent months than when he lived in her house, but that was understandable. She was still a friend in his eyes, and the thought that her lover was cheating on her infuriated him. Kerry wasn't an expressive person, but she deserved better from someone she cared about.

He quickly dialed the number Elizabeth had given him for Dave's neighbor. "Hello, I'm calling for Dr. Tain..." he said to the irate male voice that answered. "Dr. Tain? This is Dr. Carter in the ER. Dr. Weaver asked me to call you and tell you your shift's been moved to night... No, she gave me this number... She should be at home..."

John held the receiver out and stared at it. She'd hung up on him. "Well goodbye to you, too."

Kerry leaned back in the hot oil-scented water, letting the steam work itself into her sore muscles and throbbing leg. Despite what everyone thought about her, it took a lot of physical effort for her to work full-time. The constant pain in her leg and hip was enough to make her consider using painkillers, but she knew that wasn't an option.

Her physical therapist had recommended on several occasions that she take a more relaxing and less physically demanding job. Every time her answer had been that she hadn't worked this hard to be told she couldn't do something.

The incident that had done this to her still haunted her, always lurking just beyond the shadows. Nicole had helped with that, holding her at night during the nightmares. Drying her tears when the memories struck her.

She stretched her left leg out and winced at how stiff the muscle was. She seriously doubted she'd be running any marathons during the next few days. Kerry laid her head back against the rim of the tub and listened to the phone ringing. It seemed almost urgent.

Kerry grimaced up at the ceiling. There was no way she was about to get out to answer the phone. The click of her answering machine shot through the room followed by her voice. Three beeps signaled the end of her message and the person on the other end started to talk.

Kerry barely registered that it was Jasmine, probably calling to tell her that her shift was running over.

"...didn't mean anything. Kerry, please don't be angry. It was just sex. I don't love him and I truly believe we can work through this..."

Her mind went numb as what she was saying sunk in. The woman that had been her lover all those months, her best friend for so many years, had been cheating on her. Jasmine hadn't even thought she was worth being faithful to after one night back together.

Kerry stiffly got out of the tub and slipped on her light silk robe. How much was she supposed to take in the name of love? She walked into her bedroom and stared at the phone.

She had a decision to make.

Elizabeth took a long sip from her glass of whiskey while walking out of the kitchen. She couldn't help but feel guilty. Sneaking around behind people's backs, lying, wasn't her style. She liked good old-fashioned confrontations, but she couldn't risk Kerry not believing her. Not after their last, disastrous conversation.

She glanced up as someone knocked at her door. Surprised that anyone would be visiting her, much less at 12:30 at night, she opened the door.

Kerry glanced up at her with pale features. "Did you mean what you said earlier?"

Elizabeth let Kerry enter as she answered. "I don't say things I don't mean." 

"I'm sorry. I was such an ass to you..."

Elizabeth stopped her with gentle fingers against her lips. "It doesn't matter."

That was all Kerry needed to hear. Wrapping her hand around Elizabeth's neck, she initiated a kiss, exploring her mouth with the kind of thoroughness one would expect from a doctor. Elizabeth's groans of pleasure seemed to drive Kerry further, ripping the surgeon's shirt open and letting it fall to the floor.

Skin against skin they made their way into the bedroom and lay on the bed, Kerry's hands finding one pert nipple, then the other with long-learned ease. Elizabeth broke the kiss in a lustful haze to find herself on her back. Kerry nuzzled her breasts, using her tongue to tease them.

Elizabeth moaned softly, holding Kerry's head in place. Strong hands pinned Elizabeth's hands to the bed as she moved lower, tonguing her belly button, and biting the firm muscles of her stomach. Elizabeth growled in frustration as Kerry began to nip at the inside of Elizabeth's thighs, deliberately avoiding the one place Elizabeth wanted her. "Kerry..."

Kerry peeked up at her with a mischievous glint. "Yes?"

If Elizabeth hadn't been so desperate for some type of release, she would have been sorely tempted to punch her out. Kerry ducked back down, blowing onto her center. Elizabeth squirmed as the hot breath hit her, sending a wave of tense pleasure through her body.

Throwing her head back, she tried to arch up and meet Kerry's mouth without success. The resounding snarl that came from Elizabeth turned into a gasp as a tongue flicked across her, retreating hurriedly. Twisting more violently, another puff of air hit her center, making her whimper. "Kerry, now!!"

Kerry chuckled into Elizabeth's thigh, making her even angrier. Another flick of her tongue put Elizabeth on the verge of tears. She decided to put her out of her misery and nuzzled her, lightly flicking her tongue over Elizabeth rapidly.

Elizabeth, already being so close to the edge, came quickly, and dragged Kerry up to her, licking the juices from her face. "You are a major tease."

"Consider it payback for the locker room." Kerry kissed Elizabeth into a breathless silence. She didn't want to talk. If she talked, she'd remember, and if she remembered then she hurt.

The warm sun rained down on her suntanned skin. She moaned softly as the small, lean, slightly calloused hands worked the cool oil into her bare skin. The soft sounds of the waves crashing on the white-hot sand soothing her tension. Loving fingers found a knot in her left thigh and began to work it out. "Mmmmm. Right there..."

She rolled onto her stomach so that her lover could reach the knot better. It melted away into pure bliss, her body arching at the pleasure those wonderful hands brought. "Oh, Kerry. That feels so nice..." She reached out her hand for her lover...and found only air.

The alarm and panic she felt made her wake abruptly to the empty bed. Elizabeth got out of the bed and started to methodically search for her missing lover. Stopping in the living room she sat down tiredly. All of Kerry's stuff was gone and she hadn't even left a note.

She rubbed the sleep from her eyes. She just didn't understand Kerry. Last night had been incredibly intense, at least physically, but emotionally...? Kerry had been distant, almost cold with her. Not letting her talk or even ask her anything. Unlike their first night together.

The only thing she could think of was that this thing with Jasmine had effected her more than she would ever admit. Elizabeth leaned back wearily. In trying to protect her from pain all she'd done was hurt her. Now she just had to figure out how to get Kerry to open up to her.


	3. Chapter 3

Title: When I Saw You Parts: 3/? Rating: R Pariring: KW/JT, KW/EC

Disclaimer: Old Mc Warner had a studio e-i-e-i-o, on this lot he had show e-i-e-i-o, and this show belong's to him...

Kerry flexed her sore leg, trying to work out the knots. The stress she'd been feeling over the last year more she could take. From Jasmine, from Elizabeth, from herself. She only knew that if she didn't sort this out soon that she wouldn't even be able to walk.

Grinning wryly through the pain she hoped that today would be one of those days that the surgeons stayed out of her ER.

The dark flurry stormed into the ER with blazing eyes. Kerry had been gone by the time she'd gotten to the house, and the note that had been taped to the front door certainly hadn't helped matters. The sloppily-written letter had left her flushed with rage. How dare that...that CRIPPLE treat her like this, after all she'd done for the red-haired bitch?!

Kerry's bush of short red hair popped into view outside the lounge door, moving off down the hall. Jasmine sped up easily falling into step with her lover. "Kerry, we're both adults so why don't we act like it?"

"Oh that's great, especially coming from you." Kerry slammed into trauma one and paused as she found it empty. The stress of the past week showing on her pain-racked face.

"I made a mistake, and that's all it was." Jasmine watched carefully as Kerry leaned into the table. A clear sign that she wasn't able to put up much of a fight. Jasmine walked over to her, giving her only a few inches of space. "Last night was the first and only time I've ever done anything like that."

Kerry placed a hand to her hip and let her mask drop for a split second. The pain was worse than it had been for a long time. So much pain that it was making it hard for her to even concentrate on what Jasmine was saying.

Jasmine smiled slightly. Kerry was starting to wear down. The pain from her leg and hip was worse when she was under a lot of stress or if she'd pushed her body too far, too long. She hoped that it did happen. After all there wasn't a better way to get into Kerry's good graces than by being there for her. That way Kerry would think that she actually cared about her, and Kerry of course wouldn't know the difference. "All I want is one more chance. I promise it won't happen again," Jasmine said softly.

"No." Kerry took a shuddering breath. Struggling to control the sharp throbbing in her leg. "I'm involved with someone else now..." She trailed off. She didn't know what she and Elizabeth were. Friends, lovers, a one night stand?

Jasmine clenched her fist and forced a cheerful smile. "All right. So I cheated on you and you've cheated back, we're even. Now we can just start again with a clean slate."

Kerry winced visibly with a sharp gasp. She shook off Jasmine's hand and started to limp heavily from the trauma room.

She felt concerned eyes on her as her left leg seemed to become dead weight. Mark's angry glare faded for the first time since she'd arrived. "Kerry, you okay?"

She nodded and gripped the front desk with an iron hand. "Fine. Can you cover the rest of my shift?"

Mark eyed her with suspicion but the tight voice that Kerry had forced out made him worry. Putting his anger at her on hold, he nodded. "No problem... Are you sure you're all right? I can check you out if..."

Kerry cut him off sharply. "I said I'm fine." She clenched her jaw loudly and struggled into the lounge to get her things. She needed to get home before her leg totally gave out on her.

Elizabeth slumped into the OR lounge chair, barely able to keep awake. She'd gotten almost no sleep the night before, and on top of that she'd been forced to perform three operations, one after the other, in order to cover for Peter, who'd mysteriously disappeared. The fact that a certain pediatrician had also taken the day off hadn't escaped her attention either.

She closed her eyes against the latest gossip among the OR nurses and wondered if she would at least get a lunch break. She wanted to talk to Kerry as soon as possibly.

"...no, I'm telling you, something is seriously wrong with Weaver..."

Elizabeth opened her eyes intently. "Why do you say that?"

Shirley leaned toward her, clearly loving the attention. "Well, according to Lydia, Weaver was barely able to walk this morning and left ten minutes into her shift."

"Do you know what was wrong with her?"

Shirley rolled her eyes. Everyone knew how stubborn Weaver was. "No. She refused to let anyone check her out. All she would say was something about needing a day off."

Elizabeth felt a second wave of adrenaline and stood up. Last night, Kerry had winced whenever she'd touched her left hip or leg. At the time, she'd let Kerry brush it off as simply being sore from the day in the ER, but now she felt a renewed worry.

She had no idea what the story was behind Kerry's handicap, but from the scars she'd found on Kerry's body, she had knew it had to have been bad. Elizabeth had refrained from asking any question, though, simply because she could sense how much it bothered Kerry, but now she regretted not even trying. For all she knew Kerry had a serious debilitating problem. Plus, Kerry wasn't the type to take sick days or leave her shift before it was over.

The more that she thought about it, the more worried she became. By the time the elevator came into view, she was at a jog.

"Lizzie..." came one of the most annoying voices she'd ever had the misfortune to become familiar with, "You mind telling me where you're going in such a hurry?"

Elizabeth slowed to a stop as Robert stepped into her path, reclining against the wall. "I heard Kerry had to go home this morning and I..."

"...was worried. Well, that's very considerate of you. However, you have a job to do here, so that's just going to have to wait." Robert raised an eyebrow daring her to contradict him.

"Oh, that's great. Peter gets to take off when ever he wants and I have to cover for him, but I can't even take half an hour to go check on a sick colleague!" Elizabeth had been putting up with Robert all morning and was sick of being on the receiving end of his egotistic behavior.

"If you have a problem I suggest you take it up with him." Robert was starting to bristle, which was fine with Elizabeth. This had been building between them for the last few months.

"Oh really? So the you're being the Chief of Staff has no bearing on this?" Elizabeth could see that she had hit a sore spot with him. He was a man who wanted to be in control of everything and everyone.

"Watch it, Dr. Corday. You are just a few seconds away from being suspended."

Elizabeth tightened her lips. There were moments when she was able to stand him, but this was not one of those moments. "Very well. What about that new surgeon? Dr. Tain, is it? Can't she cover the rest of my shift?"

"After this little display, I don't care if she will or not. You are not to leave this hospital for any reason until your shift is over. Is that understood, Dr. Corday?" Robert was on the verge of making her work a double shift and Elizabeth knew it.

"I understand quite a bit." Her mind was screaming at her to just walk away, but she couldn't let this go.

"You know, Liz, sometimes you're close to an idiot."

"Then I guess I'd better move." Elizabeth took several steps away from Robert. Taking great pleasure in his now red face. She crossed her arms patiently as she saw the coming explosion.

Kerry gasped desperately as she woke from the nightmare. She could feel her pajama top clinging to her sweat soaked body. It had been the same nightmare that had haunted her dreams the years following the loss of her leg's full function and Nicole's death.

She slowly pulled herself out her bed and started into her personal bathroom. Each step sent a burning pain up her leg and hip, running up her back. She paused inside the large bathroom and leaned against the gray marble sink to open the medicine cabinet. She'd already taken several aspirins but they hadn't even touched her pain.

The lines of bottles glared at her, every kind of aspirin and Tylenol she could find. Telling her just how useless they were against her pain. Shaking hands picked up the large bottle of extra strength Tylenol. Maybe that would dull the pain.

Lifting the bottle to open it, she noticed the grim expiration date on the side. Growling with disgust, she threw the nearly empty bottle at the bathroom wastebasket. The bottle clipped the edge and overturned it. She sighed and wondered if she was even able to pick it up. She was trapped between the compulsion to clean up the mess and leaving it until her leg could take the strain bending over would cause.

A brown bottle caught her attention. Feeling a need to know what it was, she moved closer the small space between the sink and toilet.

She felt her stomach turn cold at the sight of the prescription bottle. She'd thrown it away almost six months ago; how could she have missed it for so long? Gripping the sink, she bent over and picked it up, holding the bottle in her hand. It was still good. It had another month left on it.

It seemed to burn in her hand. Calling out to her. She'd thrown out the painkillers she'd kept in stock after they'd discovered Carter was addicted. Seeing him like that had hit to close for her. Maybe it had been the realization that someone as incorruptible as Carter could end up like that. 

She hadn't taken any of them in a good ten years, but when she'd cleaned them out she'd missed the one bottle. After straining her leg during a trauma, she'd been forced to update her prescription of hydromorphone. She'd managed to survive the strain without taking it, but only because of the acupuncture.

She grimaced. Jared would just love for her to come in today. He had a certain flare for the dramatic where she was concerned. Except there were days when the ancient technique didn't help, and today was one of those days.

'But the hydromorphone would...'

Kerry felt the horrible temptation rise up. All it would take was one of the 8 mg. capsules, two if she wanted to be numb the rest of the day and tonight. She groaned through clenched teeth, the pain bringing tears to her eyes.

She watched the bottle open through distant eyes and dumped four pills into her hand, but made no move to swallow them. Something was holding her back. She closed her eyes and took a gasping breath.

'Kerry, if you love me, you'll give me those pills.'

Kerry growled softly at her blonde lover. Damn her. Damn her for bringing their love into this. Damn her for knowing her so well. Damn her for caring. 'I need them for the pain.'

'The hell you do.' Nicole wasn't going to sit back and watch her lover destroy herself. 

'Nikki...' Kerry needed the dose of morphine. She needed the relief if she was going to be able to handle her finals.

'Give them to me.' Nicole held her hand out, leaving no room for argument.

Kerry backed away from her lover wearily. There was no way in hell she was about to give up her only source of relief. Not for love, not for Nicole, not for anyone.

She could still smell the cheap perfume that her lover used to wear. It seemed to fill the air around her. Kerry glanced back down at the pills and made a final decision. She pulled one of the small paper cups from the holder on the wall and started to fill it.

Elizabeth pressed the doorbell for the third time. Kerry was home, there was no doubt of that. Her car was in the driveway, the lights were on, and there was music playing inside. Raising her fist, she banged on the door and watched as it swung open.

She could tell right away that something was seriously off. Kerry wasn't the type to carelessly leave her door unlocked.

Pushing back the rising panic she started up the stairs on instinct. She walked down the short hall and into the bedroom. The bed had been slept in. The covers rumpled and laying half off the bed. Clothes were scattered among knocked-off pillows around the bed.

Her eyes came to a stop on the half-opened bathroom door, and the sound of water running. Not sure why her instincts were going off, she moved across the room and pushed the door the rest of the way open. She could clearly see the pills in Kerry's left hand as it rose up to her lover's mouth.

Acting quickly, she latched onto the offending hand, she couldn't tell right off what dosage they were, but she wasn't about to take any chances.

Kerry glared over at her through hot tears. "Let go of my hand."

Elizabeth ignored the glare and picked up the bottle of pills from the cabinet. The dosage glared back at her angrily. Kerry groaned again, her leg finally giving out, only Elizabeth's quick reactions kept her from landing on the floor.

Kerry gripped the sink desperately, fighting to get her leg to support her. Iron arms helped her to her bed and the relief of the pressure being taken off her leg. She sank back, finally taking in that Elizabeth had managed to get the pills from her.

The surgeon disappeared into the bathroom and reappeared with the small cup of water. Kerry took it and the one pill Elizabeth offered, swallowing it before she could change her mind. She crushed the cup in her fist. "One isn't enough."

"As a doctor, you should know that you're only supposed to take one." Elizabeth didn't like the idea of letting Kerry take even the 8 mg, much less four of them.

Kerry didn't want to admit to someone like Elizabeth that she'd been an addict during medical school. Her record was clean mainly because of Nicole. If it got out now that she'd had trouble with painkillers the surgeon was liable to take her to the ER and have her stomach pumped. Then she'd lose her job.

"You want to tell me what's wrong?"

Kerry refused to meet the studious stare of her lover. "Not really."

"I see." Elizabeth sat on the bed facing Kerry and took her hand. "You know that you can talk to me. Whatever's going on, I won't judge you."

Kerry cursed silently. Why did Elizabeth have to sound so much like Nicole? She had never been able to stand up to her dead lover. Soft lips met hers sparingly. Caressing first her top lip, then her bottom lip, and finally both in tender praise.

The black veil of drowsiness engulfed her, the lips leaving hers. She moaned softly, needing the comfort only they could give her. "Nicole..." Hands tenderly laid her back onto the bed. "...don't leave me." Unable to fight the week's exhaustion anymore, she curled up into the warm arms that encircled her.

"I'm right here..." Elizabeth whispered into the tuft of red hair.

"I love you, Nikkie..."

Elizabeth settled back with her breaking heart. Whoever Nicole was obviously held Kerry's heart. The only question was what was the story behind them? 


	4. Chapter 4

Title: When I Saw You Parts: 4/? Rating: NC-17 Pairing: KW/JT, KW/EC, RR/JT

Disclaimer: Old Mc Warner had a studio e-i-e-i-o, on this lot he had show e-i-e-i-o, and this show belong's to him...

Kerry glanced out the bathroom door at the sleeping figure of her newest lover. She was distinctly aware that she was Elizabeth's first female lover, which was why she couldn't help but wonder if this was just curiosity on the surgeon's part. That nagging little voice in the back of her mind was persistent, arguing that Elizabeth couldn't possibly be in love with her.

Her hand tightened on the bottle of Hydromorphone. She'd slept through to almost 5 A.M., too tired to stay awake even with the harsh pain in her leg. The events of the night before were still fresh in her mind. If Elizabeth hadn't interfered when she had, Kerry would've relapsed.

She opened the bottle and dumped the contents into the toilet. She couldn't afford to keep them any longer, not while she was tempted to use them. She flushed the bowl, watching with mixed emotions as the pills spun around in the whirlpool of water before disappearing.

"Why did you do that?"

Kerry glanced up at Elizabeth with mild irritation. She had been sure the surgeon was still asleep. Which meant the surgeon was either pretending or she was an incredibly light sleeper. Either option was unpleasant in her mind of thought.

"They were about to expire." Kerry brushed past Elizabeth, hoping that the surgeon would have enough sense to not question her further.

"Really? I could have sworn they were good for another month."

"You must have read it wrong..." Elizabeth would never buy that, but Kerry was taking the chance that the small bit of doubt that remark planted was enough to detour the line of questions. 

Elizabeth hesitated in the bathroom door, unable to fully lose the suspicious glint in her eyes. Kerry noticed it and made a mental note to be more careful around her in the future. The surgeon was too sharp for her own good, or at least for Kerry's good.

The petite redhead turned on her most reassuring smile and stepped up to the surgeon until their bodies just barely touched. The heat radiating between them doubled under the sudden increase of sexual tension. 

Kerry allowed herself to feel pleasure at the shallow breaths that came from the surgeon with half-lidded eyes. She brushed her hands lightly up Elizabeth's arms as they pulled her closer to the surgeon. Running them over the soft rose-scented skin and over the shoulders.

Her left hand cupped the back of Elizabeth's neck, guiding Elizabeth into a probing kiss. Their lips shyly touched at first, no longer about lust. Kerry deepened the kiss, their tongues dancing slowly together.

Elizabeth backed Kerry up against the bed, her right hand unbuttoning the annoying nightshirt that was in her way. She was definitely going to have to break Kerry of that habit. She finally came to the last button and threw the shirt to the floor.

The kiss came to an end as Kerry lay down on the bed, patiently watching Elizabeth take off the light robe that she'd borrowed. The surgeon stood in front of her new lover, looking over the imperfect body that lay stretched out in front of her.

She could tell that Kerry wanted to cover her body. The confidence that filled those light-colored eyes everyday in the ER was now replaced with fear and doubt. Elizabeth wondered how Kerry had gotten so scarred, and not just physically.

Pushing away those thoughts, she climbed onto the bed. Their lips met immediately in a quick kiss before she let her lips start the long trip down Kerry's body. Each scar and imperfection fascinated her, holding her attention. Kerry's body tensed up every time she touched a new scar, gradually relaxing under her caresses.

She slid lower to her final destination and concentrated on her one true goal. The quiet cries of her partner driving her on, she finally lost herself in her quest.

The figure stood silently outside the cracked bedroom door, listening to the joyful noises of Kerry. Each moan made the anger become harsher. She stared into the dresser mirror, watching callously as Kerry came and pulled Elizabeth up into a kiss, rolling the surgeon onto her back.

So THAT was the woman that Kerry had cheated on her with. This was an interesting twist, and one they would both sorely regret. If Corday wanted to play then they would play, but the rules had just changed drastically.

She quickly slipped down the stairs and out of the house; she had a lot to plan.

Jasmine Tain briskly swayed down the surgical hall, the anger radiating off her in waves that sent everyone scattering. Weaver was deadly when she was in a good mood and when she was in a bad mood...? And if Jasmine was Kerry's lover that meant she had to have enough gusto to not only handle Kerry's moods but probably give as good as she got.

The Asian came to a halt outside theater six while Romano strutted out. Falling into step with him, she added more sway to her hips and bounce to her chest, making his breathing speed up noticeably.

"Dr. Tain, how nice to see you..." His eyes darted down to her ample chest that was made even more pronounced by the skin-tight blouse she was wearing. Licking his lips, he noted the stiff nipples straining against the thin white material. 'She couldn't possibly be wearing a bra.'

"Could I talk to you for a minute?" She slid her hand lightly down his back and lowered her husky voice. "In private..."

Romano was no fool. He was well aware of how much women hated of him and his attitude. For a woman to flirt with him, much less show any interest in him at all, was rare. Unless the women in question needed something from him. "Of course." He deftly walked into his office and leaned against the front of his desk.

Jasmine smiled sweetly at him, shutting and locking the door behind her. "I heard that Corday's been giving you some trouble."

Romano kept his face neutral while she crossed the short distance between them. He now knew exactly what she wanted from him and he was going to milk this for all it was worth. "And you just happen to be wanting her position?"

Jasmine pressed up against him letting her left hand travel along his upper thigh. "Let's face it, Robby, she's not right for the position. Not ruthless enough."

"Like you?" Robert asked with a smug smile.

"Like me." She wrapped her arm around his neck and kissed him, her hand finding the black leather belt he was wearing.

Robert moved away from her lips, eyeing her breasts greedily. "And just why should I give you her position?"

"Let me show you my credentials..." Jasmine slowly unbuttoned her shirt and let it fall to the floor. Kissing him again, she let the smugness of conquest take over.

"Who's Nicole?"

Kerry's head snapped around to stare into the expressive eyes of her lover. "Where'd you hear about her?" Jasmine was the only one who knew about Nicole.

"You spoke her name last night."

"What exactly did I say?" The old memories recent events had dredged up frightened her. Frightened her because she kept most of them so close to her heart and the rest completely buried. The idea of having given some of those secrets away in her sleep made her feel vulnerable.

"You asked her not to leave you."

"Is that all?"

Elizabeth tightened her arms around Kerry's body. "You said that you loved her."

Kerry frowned slightly at the jealously that showed clearly on Elizabeth's face for a second. She still didn't trust her, but then again she didn't trust anybody. Trusting people only brought pain and hurt. Something she wasn't willing to do. "She was my first female lover."

"I see...Is she a doctor?"

Kerry closed her eyes in an attempt to keep her emotions locked away. "She wanted to be."

"What happened?"

"She died during our last year of med school." Kerry rolled onto her side, no longer wanting to see Elizabeth. It had taken her almost three years to let anyone else touch her, and at times being with a lover was a painful reminder of what she'd lost.

Elizabeth spooned tightly against Kerry with immediate guilt and relief. She had been worried about Nicole being competition and she wasn't even alive. Yet somehow she doubted that this was the whole story. There was still the questions about Kerry's scars and her weird behavior with the pills.

"I'm sorry." And she was, through her guilt over being jealous. 

Jasmine finished pulling on her pants with satisfaction. That was the good thing about having a man as a superior, their brains were al ways located in one place. The smirk on the short man's face was proof of that. The grin on her face widened, sometimes life was just to easy.

"Do you mind if I tell her the news?" Jasmine could just taste the shocked anger that the British slut would have.

"And just what news are you talking about?"

She paused, not liking the sudden glint in his eyes. "About my being the new assistant chief of surgery."

"I never said you got the position." Romano plopped down into his office chair and slammed his feet onto his desk. "If you're willing to go so far to get Lizzie's job then what would be stopping you from going after my job. At least Lizzie's predictable."

Jasmine narrowed her eyes at the building anger. She eyed him wondering what he'd do if he ever found out about his precious Lizzie and...

"Of course you're right. I just thought that with her new relationship you'd be concerned about keeping her in her present position." She deftly started to leave.

"What new relationship?"

She smiled to herself. "With Weaver." She turned to him with a slow grin at the numerous emotions that flashed across his face.

"Weaver? But..." He stopped talking, not sure what to say. The idea of his Lizzie with another women wasn't something he could picture. He just couldn't imagine her naked body lying twisted with Kerry's equally naked body. Wreathing and screaming out, covered with sweat and... "I think I'm going to have a little talk with her."

Jasmine smirked darkly. 'Let's see Miss Meddler get out of this one.'

Elizabeth walked lazily down the surgical hall, unable to keep the grin off her face for more than a minute. For once she didn't mind having to see Tain, as bad as the woman was she was no longer a problem.

"There you are 'Lizzie'..."

Elizabeth smiled sweetly at the dripping sarcasm of the newest surgeon. The young Asian had a dangerous look on her face that made her wonder what she was up to. "I see you've been hanging around Robert, and enjoying it I'm sure."

"Hmm, yes, well speaking of Robert...He wants to see you in his office. Immediately."

"Does he? Well I guess I'd better see what he wants then." Elizabeth walked off at the same leisurely pace. She wasn't about to give Jasmine the satisfaction of seeing her look anything but calm.

Truthfully, she was slightly agitated. Robert had come very close to suspending her the day before. She had managed to get off with merely losing her days off for the next month, but he was more than capable of changing his mind on a moment's notice.

She paused briefly outside his office, then briskly walked in. The air had a musky odor that was suspiciously familiar. A blue surgical coat was barely visible, lying carelessly underneath the desk. Robert grinned in a way that reminded her of a wolf having just caught a rabbit.

"Dr. Tain said you wanted to see me."

"That's right. You see, I heard a rumor earlier and I was hoping you could clear it up for me."

"What rumor?" Elizabeth asked quietly.

"That you and Weaver are an item." Robert reached under the desk and picked up his surgical coat. His eyes drilled into her as he stood up and suavely pulled it on.

"That's right."

Robert walked around the desk with mild surprise. "Well that explains why you so worried about her yesterday..." His expression turned

serious with a mixture of hurt. "Lizzie, if you had told me this to begin with we could have avoided yesterday's little confrontation." He straightened up and closed off his emotions. "Under the circumstances, I'm going to assume that your concern for Kerry effected your judgment and let you off the hook, but the next time this happens, I'll suspend you."

Elizabeth watched him walk to the office door with shock. She'd seen his harsh side so much that she'd forgotten that he was even capable of being kind. She felt a sudden gratitude towards him for at least trying to understand.

"Oh by the way Lizzie, if you two ever need a doctor, I make house calls." He sauntered off, whistling softly.

She shook her head, any gratitude she had felt now completely gone. It amazed her how he could be such a jerk most of the time, even when he was being kind. 


	5. Chapter 5

Title: When I Saw You Parts: 5/6 Rating: NC-17 Pairing: KW/EC Beta Reader: Scotty Welles. Thank you for all the hard work you've put into helping me. If it wasn't for you these last two parts would probably make as much sense as Bajoran...

Disclaimer: Old Mc Warner had a studio e-i-e-i-o, on this lot he had show e-i-e-i-o, and this show belong's to him...

Jasmine ground her teeth together; Romano was turning out to be harder to manipulate than she'd originally thought. Nevertheless, she was determined to make this work, one way or another.

She slowly began to walk towards the elevators, a plan already forming. He might not have a problem with their relationship, but there was one thing he wouldn't be able to let go...

Kerry sipped at the lukewarm coffee and stared at the open chart. She didn't like the idea of Elizabeth knowing the details of her past, but last night she had accidentally given some of it away. Now there was a suspicion in Elizabeth's eyes that worried her. It wouldn't be much longer before Elizabeth finally came out and asked her about the pills and the scars.

"You okay?" The surgeon asked with a warm smile.

Kerry hadn't noticed Elizabeth slide into the seat across from her. Telling Elizabeth was not an option for her, but she also didn't want her to find out through some other source. "Fine...I thought you were on call."

Elizabeth felt the reserve in Kerry's voice and resigned herself to a conversation without endearments. "I'm on break..." she said. Then, knowing she had to broach the subject sooner or later, "What exactly do you know about Tain?"

Kerry turned her full attention to the table and started to silently recite the bones in alphabetical order. Jasmine was a sore point with Elizabeth, and Kerry didn't want to get into an argument about it. As much as she enjoyed having Elizabeth for a lover, it often seemed like the tall surgeon wasn't happy without constant reassurance that Kerry wanted her. Years of self-reliance had made her emotional barriers harder to pierce. "She's been a close friend through some hard times," Kerry replied, unable to keep the defensive tone from her voice.

"Kerry," Elizabeth said slowly, "she told Robert about us." 

The shorter woman let out a sigh. That figured. Jasmine had never been a good loser. Kerry had seen many occasions that the sweet-dispositioned woman had done a complete about face in attitude over the loss of a lover. She'd discovered that the hard way the summer after Nicole's death. "I'll talk to her about it."

Kerry saw the doubt on Elizabeth's face and didn't blame her. The surgeon could only see the bad in Jasmine. She wasn't the one that Jasmine had helped after the death of her lover, or she'd had to depend on her last year of med school. When Jasmine got what she wanted, she could be quite generous; it was only when thwarted that her cruel streak came out.

"I checked the bottle of hydromorphone..."

Kerry took another sip of her coffee, trying to buy time. She was being cornered and she hated the growing sense of helplessness. Of course she could lie and say she'd miss read the bottle, but Elizabeth knew she was methodically efficient. She tightly cradled the warm mug in her hands, searching for some way out. Perhaps Malucci would come bursting in the room complaining and whining about the dress code she was thinking about instating, or...

"Kerry?"

She turned her eyes to the chart resting in front of her trying to block out the relentless pleading eyes that stared at her. A small breeze wrapped around her and she could almost sense Nicole's presence. It's all right, it seemed to say. This one won't hurt you, any more than I would. 

"I had a small problem with painkillers in the past," she admitted softly.

Silence. That couldn't be a good thing. Kerry glanced up, taking in the sight of Elizabeth's reassuring smile. No judgment or hate visible. Now if she could just be sure she wouldn't tell anyone else.

They regarded each other silently. Then Elizabeth took Kerry's hand in both of hers. "I know this doesn't come easily for you. Trusting someone."

Kerry let the warmth of Elizabeth's hands soak into her own. "You have no idea," she said, with a quiet smile.

She'd admitted her deepest secret to Elizabeth, and the world hadn't crumbled. Maybe things would work out between them after all...

The figure happily walked over to the series of boxes. Each one marked with a name. Benton, Corday, Jenkins...Romano. Whistling softly she slid the note into his box and continued down the hall. All she had to do now was wait.

Robert slapped the pile of mail onto his desk. It had been a long trying day. With Tain's cold anger towards both him and Elizabeth. The humorous surgeries that seemed to up since earlier that morning, not to mention the boards demands to see all ER financial records for the last year. 

The gentle flap of white floating off his desk caught his eye. His hand shot out and grabbed it not really wanting to deal with whatever it was. Taking in the writing with a quick glance he went numb, slowly sitting in his chair.

"Damn..."

Kerry closed her locker, thankful that the day was finally over. Her leg was still hurting, but now it was just the normal throbbing that constantly reminded her of her own weakness. That much she knew she could handle. Especially since she was going to see Elizabeth tonight. That always helped banish the pain, at least for a while.

It wasn't just the sex, either, as terrific as that was. She'd had that with Jasmine, and a few others. But when Elizabeth held her, it was something more. Something she hadn't felt since Nicole died. A feeling of complete acceptance. The thought made her smile to herself...

Leaning onto her crutch for its support, she turned, surprised to see a grim Robert just inside the lounge. "Hello, Robert. Come to help the little people?"

Her tight smile faded as he walked over to her, ignoring her chide.

She had come to expect the verbal duels between them. In a way it was a replacement for the relationship she had with Doug. Something she enjoyed on some level. Always trying to outsmart the other. One demanding obedience while the other demanded humanity. "What's wrong?"

Robert silently handed her the note, watching her carefully as she read the stinging words.

Her eyes froze on the signature. Unable to stop the flood of disbelief and extreme betrayal. She'd sworn not to tell anyone else, confessed her love for her. And now...

"Is it true?" Robert asked her without preamble.

"Yes." Her own voice seemed to be detached from the rest of her.

Robert pursed his lips together with resolution. "I won't ask how you managed to keep something like that off your record, but this changes things. I can't have someone who's a liability as my Chief of emergency services."

"Robert, I am not a liability," she protested automatically, but her heart wasn't in it, and she knew she didn't sound very convincing. She was still occupied with the betrayal by someone who claimed to love her. "I've been clean since med school."

"Maybe, but I can't take any chances. I'm appointing Dr. Kovac to take over your duties until I've reached a decision." Robert hesitated a moment. "You have a number of sick days left..."

Kerry nodded mutely, unwilling to respond. In one moment she had lost everything. All her work, all her sacrifices were for nothing. It didn't matter whether he'd made a decision yet or not. He wasn't about to keep her on as chief after this.

He had wanted to fire Carter over the same thing only a couple of weeks earlier. A young resident that had been a model doctor, a gentleman with everyone. A man who'd been well spoken and loved by the people around him.

So why wouldn't Robert take her life from her? A woman who no one liked. Who's whole purpose in life was to enforce the rules that everyone hated. The doctor who then turned around and disregarded those same rules.

Kerry crushed the note in her left fist, feeling the whole world crushing down on her. It was her own fault. She never should have trusted her, never should have let her in her life.

Elizabeth closed her locker. If she hurried she could get to Kerry's in time for dinner. Kerry was finally starting to trust her, even if that trust was given grudgingly. There was so much about her she didn't know, a characteristic that made Kerry that much more interesting.

It still amazed Elizabeth how powerfully Kerry affected her. They'd worked together for years, and all that time, just under the surface, was a woman capable of capturing Elizabeth's heart. Her body ached sometimes, just thinking about the fact that she was in love with another woman.

She turned as she heard the locker room door open. Her smile widened as she saw who it was. "I was just thinking of you," she began with delight. It lasted only a moment.

Kerry's entrance reminded her of the time she'd caught Doug playing doctor with the temp a couple of years back. Her posture rigid and confrontational. Anger the only emotion visible. "I'm sure you were," she stated.

"What?"

"Thinking of me. And writing about me."

Elizabeth shook her head, perplexed. The intensity of Kerry's stare scrambled her ability to think or react reasonably. "What are you...?"

The shorter redhead advanced on her, suddenly, and Elizabeth took a reflexive step back, as though Kerry was going to strike her. The metal lockers behind her brought her to an abrupt halt as Kerry stepped close with cold fury in her eyes.

She flinched as Kerry grabbed her hand and slammed a ball of paper into it. "Congratulations," she grated. "You just destroyed my life."

Elizabeth let out an involuntary gasp at the hatefully spit-out words. By the time she had come up with a reply, Kerry had already stormed back out the door.

What just happened, she asked herself. What could have turned the love in Kerry's eyes to hatred so quickly and completely?

She smoothed out the wade of paper, immediately seeing what had Kerry so worked up. Oh my god...

Kerry stormed through the ER, pausing just long enough to inform Mark she'd been put on enforced vacation until further notice, but not long enough for him to reply. She ignored everyone else as she changed into her coat and headed for her car. Well, almost everyone.

"Tag," she said to Luka Kovac, "You're 'It'."

Luka glanced at her departing form, utterly confused. Before he could go after her to ask her what she meant, Randi informed him that Dr. Romano wanted to see him right away...

Kerry dodged through traffic, breaking several speed laws in her anger, and finally was forced to a halt by a red light. She simmered, gripping the wheel, and fumed as the light stayed red for what seemed like forever. When it finally turned green, it was like a signal to her deepest feelings, and instead of driving forward, she pounded the dashboard and let out a scream of rage and despair that had been building for years. 

When it died in her throat, she leaned her head on the wheel and tried to control herself, ignoring the green light. Cars honked as they drove around hers, but she didn't hear them. The light was red again by the time she looked up. 

How could she do this to me, Nikki? She addressed the silent question to her old love, as she often did in times of stress. I can't believe Elizabeth would betray me like that.

If Nicole had a response, Kerry didn't hear it.

It was so unlike Elizabeth to betray a confidence that way. And even if Kerry had given her reason to think it was a medical necessity, she would have been up-front and honest about it, rather than smiling to her face while passing notes to Romano. That was the sort of underhanded sneakiness she'd expect from someone like...

Someone like...

Oh, wait. Oh no, now it made sense.

Who else knew about her former problems with painkillers? Who had been angry with her lately? 

But that note was on Elizabeth's prescription pad. It had Elizabeth's signature.

But Elizabeth wouldn't do that. This thought came to her, and she knew it immediately to be true.

So who else...?

Horns honked at her again, and she realized the light had turned green again. She waved at them to drive around her car, ignoring the upraised fingers of the other drivers.

Now Kerry knew exactly who had betrayed her to Romano. She had no proof, but she knew, instinctively, down in her soul. Her first thought was to turn the steering wheel sharply and drive back to County, but she changed her mind almost immediately. It didn't matter who wrote the note, Romano still had reasonable grounds for taking action against her. That was the first issue she had to address. She'd been reacting without thinking too much, lately.

Kerry stepped on the gas, making it through the yellow light, and headed for home, and the confidential files in her study... 


	6. Chapter 6

Title: When I Saw You Parts: 6/6 Rating: NC-17 Pairing: KW/EC Beta Reader: Scotty Welles. Once again a huge thank you. Your patience and talent seems almost unstoppable.

Disclaimer: Old Mc Warner had a studio e-i-e-i-o, on this lot he had show e-i-e-i-o, and this show belong's to him...

Elizabeth sat in the surgical lounge, the heels of her hands pressed into her eye sockets, as though trying to stop the tears she knew were coming.

Some part of her, deep down, knew that Kerry's anger at her was caused by some sort of misunderstanding, but she was too overwhelmed to make sense of it just now. Overwhelmed by the memory of Kerry's reaction earlier. There had been a few messy breakups in Elizabeth's past, but none that seemed to rip her heart out the way a few icy words from Kerry Weaver had done.

A dull impulse reminded her of the crumpled note Kerry had shoved at her. The one that had driven such a wedge between them. The words 'Dr. Elizabeth Corday, surgery' were printed neatly on the top corner, like several hundred other identical sheets she routinely used, and the scratchy signature was close enough to hers to pass muster. But she hadn't written it.

As she calmed herself, Elizabeth began to wonder when was the last time she'd seen her prescription pad. She'd been in surgery much of the day, so she'd left it in her locker with her street clothes. 

Getting up, she opened her locker and searched quickly, but didn't find the pad. It wasn't in her coat pocket, or her purse, or...

"Hey, Dr. C, you lose something?"

Elizabeth turned. "Dr. Malucci," she replied. "What brings you up here?"

The resident waved in the general direction of the OR's. "Sent a trauma case up earlier, and wanted to check up on him."

"Well, that's rather dedicated of you," she replied absently. It was, in fact, uncharacteristically dedicated of him, but she was too polite to say so right now.

"Yeah, actually, I wanted to tell you something."

"What is it?"

"I, uh..." He trailed off, nervously. "I was looking to talk to Dr. Tain about, uh, about a patient..."

He was hitting on her, she translated mentally.

"...and I thought I saw her poking around in your locker..."

Elizabeth's eyes widened as she took in his meaning. They narrowed again almost immediately as her temper sparked. All the frustration of the past few days surfaced. She'd had it. Brushing rudely past Malucci, she stormed out the door of the lounge.

Dave followed closely behind her. Oh boy, he thought, cat fight!

Robert watched Kovac storm away from the admittance desk. He'd been less than pleased by Kerry needing a replacement to begin with. That was the thing he couldn't understand. For all the complaining everyone respected Kerry and her abilities as a doctor.

He wasn't too confident that the ER could survive his demoting Kerry back to just an attending. At least morale-wise. They saw Kerry as an untouchable authority. Someone who wouldn't break the rules without just cause.

The dark red blur shot past him, heading at Dr. Tain with no sign of slowing down. Her fist shot out, punching Jasmine across the jaw. The Asian flew back into the trauma room doors, landing on the floor with enough force to send her sliding into the far wall.

"Go, Corday!" Malucci whooped happily.

Robert strode forward with regret. One of his many fantasies had been to see Lizzie mud wrestling, and while this wasn't the same, it still involved her fighting another woman. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Elizabeth spun on Robert. "She forged the note."

Robert glared over at Jasmine as she struggled to her feet. He didn't need to know what she meant. It wasn't her writing or her signature. It was Jasmine who had written it. He entered the trauma room, silently beckoning for Elizabeth to accompany him. It was time they all had a little talk.

A few minutes later, Robert began to regret that he hadn't just fired someone at random and solved the problem that way. Listening to Corday and Malucci spin this story about Tain forging the note, and Tain threatening to press assault charges against Corday, was giving him a royal headache. "She's got a point, Lizzie," he admitted. "If you're going to deck someone, it's never wise to do it in front of witnesses."

Malucci shrugged and said, "What witnesses? I didn't see anything?" He shot a glance out the trauma room's window at the staff all going about their business. "Doesn't look like anyone else did, either." He knew, of course, that gossip about the Surgeons' Brawl would be flying thick and fast in no time, but he was also reasonably certain that Dr. Romano wouldn't pursue the charges unless he had no choice.

Robert pinched the bridge of his nose, tiredly. "You know," he said, "as much as I love all this Betty-and-Veronica stuff, I'd like to think we've all got better things to do. I've got a whole hospital to run, you know. Now, do you two think you can stop your squabbling over Dr. Weaver, or do I have to fire her just to get some peace and quiet?"

"Robert, you can't do that," Elizabeth protested. "Kerry's not the one at fault here."

"Seems to me she's pretty much the cause of it all," he replied easily.

"Come on, Dr. Romano," Malucci spoke up, "you know she's the best person for..."

"Did I ask your opinion, Jughead?"

Stung by his boss's casual disdain, Malucci retreated to his corner and held his tongue.

"Regardless of how Kerry Weaver got to be the center of this little romantic triangle," Romano went on, "the fact remains that she concealed a drug habit from this administration. Now, you'll all be informed of my decision regarding her when and if it becomes any of your business."

Jasmine glowered at Elizabeth and said nothing.

"Robert, I assure you," Elizabeth persisted, "Kerry is not abusing drugs. If you want to punish someone for all this, punish me, but please don't take it out on Kerry!"

"Did you hear what I just said?" Robert broke in. "We are not in here to talk about Kerry Weaver! She has no part in this discussion!"

The door opened suddenly, and Kerry Weaver walked in.

"Why do I even bother?" Robert asked himself, rubbing his forehead.

Kerry ignored Malucci and the two women, walking straight to Romano and holding out a file of documents. She presented it to him without a word.

"I know I'm gonna regret asking this," he said, taking the file, "but what's this?"

"My confidential records from med school," Kerry informed him, in her all-business voice. "Specifically, letters from my physicians, counselors, and faculty advisors relating to the addiction I battled. Note the cover letter from Dr. Lawrence, stating that he sees no reason why my difficulty should be documented in my public records. The others agreed, and that's why you didn't know about it."

Robert skimmed the top form, thumbing briefly through the others.

"It was never a secret," Kerry added. "Just none of your business."

He scowled, even as he made up his mind. It was pretty clear that he could keep Kerry on without concern, but it wouldn't do to just come out and say so. No, better to let her sweat a bit, just to show her who's boss. People seemed to forget that too quickly in this hospital.

Kerry turned away from Robert, her business with him finished for the moment. Her eyes fell on Jasmine Tain, who seemed to recoil ever so slightly from her gaze. 

She turned her full attention to the Asian woman. "I'd say this to you in private," she began, "but there doesn't seem to be any point, since everyone here seems to find everything out anyway."

"Kerry, I..."

"I can forgive you for a lot of things," Kerry overrode her, "because you did carry me through the hardest part of my life. You helped me when I needed to be helped, and in a way, I still love you for that."

Jasmine listened quietly, her eyes moistening.

"But understand this," Kerry added, stepping closer. "Whatever we had is over. You and I are through. And if you ever do anything else to hurt me, or anyone I love..." She glanced in Elizabeth's direction. "...and you'll get much worse than this."

For emphasis, she touched the bruise on Tain's jaw. The surgeon flinched under the soreness.

"And the line will form behind me," Kerry finished. "Do you understand that?"

Jasmine nodded, cowed.

Kerry nodded and walked out without looking at anyone. There was silence for a minute.

"Redheads, huh?" Malucci muttered to Romano with a smile.

Robert looked up at him. "Malucci, what are you still doing here? Go lance a boil or something, will you?" Malucci retreated, and Robert looked at Elizabeth. "Lizzie, would you excuse us, as well?"

She was turning toward the door, wondering if she should try to talk to Kerry or just let her go, when Jasmine said, "You really love her, don't you?"

She looked back at her rival.

"I know she's great in bed, believe me," the dark-haired woman said with scorn, "but how much whiny, bitter, self-righteousness can you put up with just for a good fuck?"

Elizabeth looked at her with eyes like a knife blade and said, "If that's all you see in her, then you don't know her at all, and never did." And then she left.

Kerry sat on her living room sofa and flipped through the stations rapidly. She was tired of being hurt, tired of letting that hurt control her. She stopped changing channels as the image of a lion appeared. Another documentary on Africa.

At least now she could consider moving back to Africa. Help Mlungisi in the clinic. A place where she was appreciated and respected as not only a doctor but as a person. Something she didn't have at County General.

The door opened, and Kerry knew it would be Elizabeth. No one else had a key to her place. She didn't look forward to the coming conversation.

"You never gave me a chance to respond." Elizabeth threw her purse onto the sofa and sat next to her, searching for a response.

"I know. I'm sorry."

"This is becoming a bad habit with you," Elizabeth snapped. "We make love, and everything seems well, then you find some excuse to push me away. I think you actually look for them wherever you find them."

Kerry nodded. "I deserved that."

"Tain wrote the note, you know."

"I know. Jasmine..."

"Robert found my prescription pad in her locker," Elizabeth plowed on, ignoring Kerry. "She admitted to writing it."

Kerry sighed heavily. Her temper had been known to cloud her judgment, one of the many reasons why she ended up alone. Elizabeth seemed willing to work past this, or she wouldn't have come to Kerry's home. But that didn't change Robert's decision. "I'll still be demoted."

"No you won't. If you agree to spontaneous drug tests than he'll let you keep your position."

Kerry hated the idea, but recognized the necessity behind it. Then again she could always quit and move on. It wasn't on her record, so it wouldn't be there to cause her problems. 

But she knew she wouldn't just be running away from County. She'd be running from Elizabeth. "I should have realized right away that it wasn't you."

"Yes, you should have," Elizabeth replied, stiffly. She didn't look at Kerry. "You should have trusted me. Given me the benefit of the doubt, or at least gotten my side of the story before you set out to hurt me back."

Kerry nodded.

"Well, say something, damn it. Don't just agree with me."

Kerry put her arms around the surgeon's neck and leaned against her. "I was wrong," she said into the other woman's shoulder. "I don't have any excuse. Can you forgive me?"

Elizabeth felt her anger melting, and the tears she'd stopped earlier were coming now. "I can't keep proving my love for you over and over again, Kerry," she said, her voice tight. "Sooner or later, you have to believe me."

"I do believe you," Kerry assured her.

"I know you're afraid to let yourself love again, after losing Nicole. I can't promise you I won't die someday, too, but I will never deliberately hurt you the way Jasmine did, even if you leave me."

"I was never in love with Jasmine," Kerry said, "not like...not like Nicole." She had almost said, 'not like you'. "But Elizabeth, it's not just me I'm afraid for. It's you, too."

Elizabeth pulled away enough to look her in the eyes. "What do you mean?"

"You've never been involved with a woman before," Kerry told her. "I've lived through people's reactions, you haven't." She thought about Nicole's family hating her for loving their daughter. "It's one thing for me, I have no family, no friends..."

"Kerry, you have plenty of friends! If you'd only let yourself see them..."

"...but you do. Are you prepared to have your family condemn you for being with me?"

Elizabeth had thought about that. She had tried to imagine her parents' reactions as she told them she was in love with a member of the same gender. Her father had always accepted her choices in the past, but would he be able to accept this? And her mother...well, that was a whole new can of worms. But she decided a woman like Kerry was worth the risk.

She took Kerry's face in her hands. "You're not scaring me off, Kerry Weaver," she said. "You are a good woman, a desirable lover, and a fascinating mystery. One that I look forward to exploring for a long, long time, if you'll only allow me."

Kerry looked into her eyes for a long time, searching. Then she pulled Elizabeth closer and kissed her, long and deep. Elizabeth lifted her into her lap and explored the kiss further.

Her hands slipped under the dark green sweater fingers grazing already hard nipples. The surgeon chuckled into Kerry's mouth, " No bra?"

Kerry straddled Elizabeth's lap sucking on her neck between words. Nimble fingers working the buttons to the blouse in front of her. " I was going to trap you in the lounge earlier..."

" My we are adventurous aren't weeeeaaaahhh?"

Elizabeth arched up as Kerry gently bit her left nipple through the thin silk blouse. Nerves suddenly inflamed she yanked the emerald sweater over Kerry's head and pushed Kerry back onto the sofa pinning her down.

Her mouth ravaging the exposed skin in a hormone driven haze. The deep ache that seemed to constantly be present recently became more pronounced. All she wanted was to taste her, to feel the pale skin against her own.

Reality and fantasy merged around her until all she knew was two naked bodies pressed into each other. Her cat like movements drawing her down Kerry's body with each caress and lick. Desperate moans off frustration became gasps of animalistic passion.

Elizabeth closed her eyes against the boiling heat that surrounded her tongue, and covered Kerry's scarred thighs. Silence finally filled the room broken only by their shallow breathing.

Elizabeth curled up next to her lover barely able to keep her eyes open, the emotional and physical toll she'd taken in the last 24 hours too much even for her.

"What about Jasmine?" Kerry asked after a while.

Elizabeth cracked an eye open not happy about being kept awake over the woman who'd started the whole thing. "Oh, fuck Jasmine."

"I already have. I meant, what's going to happen with her at work?"

Elizabeth grinned darkly. "Robert's decided to keep her around..."

Malucci grinned smugly as Tain shot him a deadly glare. Her perfectly-kept black hair drooped pitifully around her now-smeared make-up.

"Hey, back to work." Malucci wiped the sweat from his face with his sweat-damp shirt. "I don't suppose you'd like to get together later...?"

Jasmine glared at him from across the small filing room. If she hadn't been surrounded by hundreds of files and charts, she'd have punched him out. The lines of empty boxes and filing cabinets seemed to go on forever in the un-air-conditioned room. "Just shut up."

Malucci shrugged, unfazed. It would take her days maybe even weeks to finish re-filing everything. By the time she finished, she'd be too numb mentally to turn him down. 


End file.
